After the Visa: When the Honeymoon Phase Fades

Updated: Apr 17

The Quiet Reality of Love, Life, and Loneliness After Moving Abroad for a Relationship

You did it.

The visa got approved.

The reunion hugs were real.

You moved your life for love, maybe with children, maybe with nothing but hope and a few pieces of luggage.

And now… you're in the kitchen, or in your shared apartment, or walking through quiet streets in a foreign city wondering:

“Why do I feel so alone?”

This part?

No one prepared you for.

Most people think the biggest challenge is getting the visa.

And sure, it’s a lot: documents, interviews, proofs of love.

But the deeper work begins after arrival:

Adjusting to your partner’s rhythm and routine
Feeling like a guest in your own home
Not knowing the language, the grocery brands, or how the transit system works
Realizing that all your dreams of "finally being together" don’t stop everyday conflict
Feeling guilty for missing home or not feeling as happy as you “should”

When you migrate for love, you may also be quietly grieving:

A career you left behind
The independence you had in your own country
Your ability to earn money, express yourself, or even argue in your own language
The version of yourself who felt capable, confident, and free

Even in the best relationships, this loss can feel suffocating.

You might find yourself:

Feeling emotionally dependent or “too needy”
Walking on eggshells, afraid to “ruin” the relationship after they did “so much” for you
Losing your voice, your energy, your joy

This isn’t ungratefulness. This is unprocessed grief.

Many of the women I work with share a moment when they realized:

“I moved my life… and now I feel more alone than ever.”

They question if it’s their fault.

They wonder if maybe love isn’t enough.

They start doubting their instincts.

And they feel guilty talking about it because others might say, “at least you’re lucky to be in Europe.”

But emotional pain isn’t healed by location.

You can be in a beautiful country and still feel heartbreak every day.

You’re allowed to:

This doesn’t mean your relationship is failing.

It means you’re human. And your needs matter, too.

If you’re in this stage, here’s what can help you start to feel whole again:

Talk to someone who gets it, who won’t minimize your feelings
Begin writing or journaling what you're experiencing (honestly, without editing)
Rebuild emotional independence by connecting with your values, hobbies, or goals
Gently ask for more emotional intimacy from your partner (or name what’s missing)
Explore whether your loneliness is circumstantial or rooted in a deeper dynamic