When Love Silences You: 10 Subtle Signs of a One-Sided Relationship
- Lina Gabbaoan
- Apr 16
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 17
There was a time in my life when I kept asking myself, Is it me? Am I overreacting? Why do I feel smaller and more exhausted every day, even when I’m doing my best?
What I didn’t know then, but deeply understand now, is that not all harm leaves bruises. Some forms of harm hide behind charm, control disguised as care, and criticism passed off as concern.
This is a piece of my story and the patterns I’ve come to recognize through my own journey and the stories of others I now support. If you’ve ever felt confused in a relationship, especially after moving abroad or trying to make things work for the sake of the children, I see you.
Here are 10 subtle but harmful patterns I lived through and now help others recognize, especially in cross-cultural and post-visa relationships.
1. Love Bombing
In the beginning, everything felt like a dream. There were flowers, promises, and future plans. It felt magical. But love shouldn’t come with pressure or urgency. Love bombing is a way to gain control quickly, not to build a slow, safe connection.
2. Gaslighting
I began to question myself constantly. He would deny things I clearly remembered, twist conversations, or blame me for being too sensitive. Over time, I stopped trusting my instincts and started apologizing for my feelings.
3. Controlling the Everyday
He had something to say about what I wore, how I spoke, and even what I cooked. I started shrinking to keep the peace, unsure of when I was “too much.” But that kind of control doesn’t keep you safe, it keeps you silent.
4. Withholding Love as Punishment
Affection became conditional. If I did something he didn’t like, he would withdraw emotionally or ignore me altogether. I found myself working harder for scraps of warmth that once came so easily.
5. Everything Was My Fault
No matter what happened, it always came back to me. My tone, my timing, my reaction. When blame becomes a pattern, it creates a deep sense of shame and confusion, especially when all you wanted was peace.
6. Public Charm, Private Criticism
He was charming in front of others, generous even. But behind closed doors, he made comments that cut deep. That contrast is what made me doubt myself even more, because no one else saw it but me.
7. Manipulating Through the Children
During and after the relationship, parenting became a power play. Custody and financial support were used as weapons. I was left figuring out legal documents alone in a second language, learning everything I could just to protect my children and survive emotionally.
8. Invalidating My Emotions
I wasn’t allowed to be upset. If I cried, I was dramatic. If I expressed hurt, I was ungrateful. Over time, I became quiet, not because I had nothing to say, but because I knew it wouldn’t be received.
9. Financial Control
Money became another tool for control. Promises were made, then used against me. I was left to rebuild with two children in a new country, learning how to become financially and emotionally independent again.
10. Character Smearing
He painted me as difficult, unstable, even dangerous, especially once I began to stand up for myself. This tactic isolates you, makes you question your voice, and is sadly common in post-separation dynamics.
And Still, I Rose...
I share this not for pity, but for clarity.
Because if you're reading this and something inside you whispers, This feels familiar, I want you to know: you're not crazy. You’re not dramatic. And you’re not alone.
Your body remembers the truth, even when your mind has been trained to forget it.
You are allowed to name what happened, even if no one else saw it. And you are allowed to start again, not from scratch, but from experience.
This journey is what led me to the work I now do as a non-clinical psychologist and emotional clarity coach for those navigating relationships, migration, and rebuilding after emotional harm.
If you’re looking for a safe space to be heard without being judged, to untangle the confusion, and to begin healing at your own pace, I welcome you.
Book a free clarity call here. Because your story deserves to be witnessed with care.
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